Why Stability Slips Away Part One: Understanding Stress

Understanding the Stress Cycle

Stability slips away when the stress cycle does not complete itself.

If you alleviate the stressor, but don’t resolve the actual cause of the stress, your body remains in a survival state—leaving you exhausted, anxious, and constantly bracing for what’s next.

Why?

Because you’ve tricked your brain with gratification. You got the bill paid, but you still have other ends to meet. And to be honest… the money flow isn’t strong enough.

That honesty—whatever fills in the blank for you—is the chronic stressor. And because the back of your mind knows the truth, your nervous system stays activated. It keeps fighting to make you aware of a major problem that still needs to be solved.

And yes, once the immediate emergency is handled, cortisol may reduce…

But it doesn’t stop.

It continues to cycle through the blood and store itself in various organs, while the endorphins of “escaping danger” help you focus on something else.

Many of us are familiar with that cycle…

Here comes that thing again… Okay, I got it handled… Now I can breathe for a bit.

And if you step back and look at it, honestly, it’s chaotic.

But most of us don’t like to think about it, though—because it reveals another truth:

Chronic stress and chaotic familiarity become the new normal.

And that’s hard.

Because when did that happen?

Everyone deals with racing thoughts from time to time. Everyone has sleepless nights every now and then… right?

But when did it become normal? When did your balanced life fade into accepted chaos?

This post is here to help you work through just that. To help you build awareness around the systems that may need realignment—and to give yourself grace if you’re currently living through a hard season.

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Okay, let’s take a deep breath.

Stress is a normal part of life. Even when things are going well, the brain is constantly scanning for potential threats, always seeking safety.

There is eustress, which is the “good stress” that gives a gentle nudge and motivates us to take action.

And then there is distress, which is what most people think of when they hear the word stress. This type of stress feels overwhelming, usually comes with negative emotions, and when unchecked, can lead to both physical and mental exhaustion.

Stress is inevitable—and that is unfortunate.

But the good news is that we now know a lot more about how to manage, regulate, and relieve stress as it comes and goes.

Before we can bring alignment and structure back into our lives, we have to be aware of the cycles that got us here.

In this post, we’re going to talk about the physiological process behind stress—and what triggers survival mode.

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The Stress Cycle

The stress cycle often looks like this:

Baseline – everything is normal Stressor – something happens (a “random” thought, a conversation, a bill due, a conflict, an unexpected event) Activation – awareness of the threat, and the internal signal that something must be addressed Coping – the method you use to restore safety Return to baseline – your nervous system recalibrates and adjusts to what becomes the new “normal”

It’s the coping and the return to baseline that require the most intention and structure.

Because coping is where the slope begins to get slippery.

This is the place where we decide what to do after the “thing” happens. We either take action, or we resist. It’s where we begin to decide what the new baseline will be. 

Maybe you go for a jog through the neighborhood or get a good workout in. Maybe you take a hot shower, drink some tea, and sit in silence. Maybe you call a trusted person and vent.

But this is also where we get the bill paid… and never find a better-paying job.

This is where we have a conversation that expresses emotion, but never seeks resolution.

This is where we put the “thing” on the back burner. Or where we get quiet about it and wait to see what happens.

Take a minute to think about how you cope when something stressful happens. Many people cope differently depending on what caused the stress.

Now think about this:

Does your coping actually remove the stressor… or does it just alleviate the anxiety?

Because if it only alleviates the anxiety, stability is slipping.

Now let me ask you this:

After you cope—whether you take action or avoid it—does your baseline feel safe and supportive?

Or are there new landmines to watch for… new things to tiptoe around?

If every time you return to “normal,” there are more landmines than peace…

it’s time to reset, restructure, and realign.

Because the goal isn’t to survive your life. The goal is to feel safe inside of it. 

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Now that you have a basic understanding of how stress naturally comes and goes, we can take a deeper look at some telltale signs that stability has slipped away—and survival mode has quietly set in.

Join me for Part Two, where I’ll explore the hidden cost of constantly resetting to an unstable baseline. I’ll also share a few simple, realistic ways to begin rebuilding stability without feeling overwhelmed.

And if this post resonated with you, you may also enjoy Releasing Survival Mode — read it here.